Self-driving cars are the thing of the future. We’ve been force fed the idea that futuristic cars would be auto piloted, could fly, and might even be a Delorean. The oldie Sci-Fi movies even promised us that we would have flying cars by the new millennium, which has obviously not fallen into place yet.
Instead, we have cars with autopilot adaptations that will allow drivers to literally sleep at the wheel… but is that even working?
Recently, Tesla has been bragging about their new self-driving software, which is apparently “amazing and will blow your mind”. It certainly has been proving to blow minds, however, not in the way anybody wants to see. Yikes.
Self-driving Tesla’s have been absolutely demolishing child-sized mannequins in their test drives.
While at first one might think that it’s just a fluke that all the test drives are crushing these tiny mannequins, but this has been a consistent blind spot in the software’s formula. Keep in mind, this is software that’s already been approved, pushed through, and exists in certain Tesla models that are already on public roads and certainly being used in self-driving mode for drunk business executives in the Bay Area.
Even the software experts of the world are advising that we improve this glitch before setting it free. We’ve all seen those silly videos of robot dogs falling over and funny glitches in robotics world wide, but is it still funny when the glitchy robots are 2-ton, sentient vehicles with a foot-long navigation iPad in the console? Less so.
Hide your children, hide your wife. Here comes a Tesla.
Elon Musk, the deranged and delusional magistrate of Tesla, is planning to launch a full-scale release of this faulty software to be uploaded into every Tesla in the nation. Child-slamming war machines are being set free onto American roads later this year. So long as Tesla ignores the glitch in their software, we may be seeing a bit more carnage than we’re used to.
But maybe this begs the question of looking before crossing the street as well. Maybe the era of self-piloted cars will bring a new age of pedestrian safety, urging street walkers to take more care on their own lives before waltzing into the road. If a Tesla isn’t going to see you, what guarantees that a driver will stop?
It looks like as long as you’re not a mannequin shorter than 3ft tall, it looks like you’re safe. But if you know any tiny mannequins, please inform them of their eminent danger and steer clear of gated neighborhoods and corporate parking lots for the foreseeable future.
Tesla in Self-Driving Mode
Tesla Absolutely Trucks Child Dummy in Side-By-Side Test