Have you had enough of viewing scary movies this Halloween season? Do you need something light to take a breather? Keep an eye on this space for a humorous series of scary jokes that you may share with your friends and family to make everyone laugh out loud. So the next time Uncle John says, “Tell me a ghost joke!” you’ll be prepared with a list of terrifying jokes to recite aloud. And if you’re sick of hearing silly terrifying stories, let us turn them into the best spooky jokes for you. We’ll turn your favorite scary and humorous stories into the best scary jokes you’ll want to tell all your friends! So ready to hear jokes about a ghost? That’s the spirit.
People throughout the country are preparing their most ghoulish attire for a night of frightening fun. So read, enjoy and laugh with your loved ones.
Funny Ghost Jokes
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite type of tea?
What did the ghost boy want for Halloween?
What do Italian ghosts eat?
Ah, don’t cry, Halloween is just around the corner!
What kind of fruit do ghosts like?
How did the boyfriend know that his girlfriend was a ghost?
He had his suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not actually ice scream. It’s actually terror-misu.
Did you hear about the stoner ghost?
He got arrested for possession.
What religion do ghosts practice?
Did you hear about the two gay ghosts?
They gave each other the willies.
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
What room doesn’t have ghosts?
Why did the ghost cross the road?
To come back from the other side.
Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store .
What did the ghost say when it woke up with a bad hangover?
“Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”
What does an exorcist do when his clients won’t pay up?
He gets the ghosts to repossess the house.
What happens when you crack a bad joke about ghosts?
It haunts you for the rest of your life.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Why did the doctor stop ghostbusters who entered the hospital to see their friend who was diagnosed with cancer?
“No spawn camping,” he said.
Do you want to hear a ghost joke?
That’s the spirit.
Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?
Because the ghosts will bring the boos.
What’s a fat ghost’s biggest fear?
A kid recently decided to purchase an Ouija board in order to contact deceased celebrities who have not yet gone over. The only person he was able to contact was Stephen Hawking.
He questioned him on several topics, such as why he was still a ghost and had not yet entered the afterlife.
Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along, there is a stairway to heaven.
How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts?
One has boooooobs. The other gets full pay at their jobs.
How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?
Just act super natural.
Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet.
Why did the ghost get in the elevator?
To lift his spirits.
What does a ghost put on his bagel?
Why did the ghost barf all over his date?
He couldn’t handle his boos.
A man is being treated in the hospital for stomach problems when he develops diarrhea and shits in bed.
Panicked, the man folds the poo-filled sheet and throws it out the window.
The sheet lands on a passing man. The man wrestles with the sheet a little, and the feces spills out.
Another man walks by and inquires as to what he is doing.
“Damn, you’ll never believe me,” he replies. “But I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.
What happens when you buy a boomerang from a ghost?
It is going to come back to haunt you.
Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?
The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.
How do you talk to Italian ghosts?
With a Luigi board.
How do ghosts obtain money?
Via a polterheist.
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Ghost stand over there and I’ll bring you some candy!
What do you call a ghost with his own spooking company?
How do ghosts make friends?
By buttering a flight of stairs.
What do you call a french ghost that likes anime?
A dead cat’s ghost walks into a bar.
At 3 a.m., the ghost is clutching its severed tail in its teeth. Only the bartender is present, cleaning up and closing the bar for the night. The cat puts the tail down and begins to speak. “I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’m the cat who was hit and killed by a car right in front of your bar a year ago tonight. I’ve come to seek your help,” says the ghost cat. “I’ve been condemned to walk these lands with my tail in my mouth since the accident severed it until I find a human who will reattach it for me. Could you please do it for me?” The owner checks his watch, then the ghost cat.
“I wish I could, little ghost cat,” the bartender says. “But our license strictly forbids me from retailing spirits after 2 a.m.”
Why can’t a ghost deceive you?
Because you will be able to see right through them.
Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team?
He heard the coach say that they needed a little team spirit.
How do ghosts become friends?
They bond over boos.
Did you hear about the depressed ghost?
He’s going through some things.
How do ghosts listen to music?
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How do ghosts remember who to scare?
They’re using a to-boo list.
Why do ghost hunters like exploring old breweries?
They want to find hidden spirits.
Son: Dad, are ghosts real?
Dad: No son, of course not.
Son: The nanny said they are.
Dad: Okay, pack your stuff… We don’t have a nanny.
Why does Trump hate ghosts?
Because they can go through walls.
What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?
Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?
They would steal all the boos.
Why do French ghosts smell so bad?
Zay are, ow you say, “covered in sheet.”
Why don’t ghosts go out in the rain?
It dampens their spirits.
Why was the ghost so tired?
He worked the graveyard shift.
What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?
A cocker poodle boo.
A ghost appears to be haunting a man’s automobile.
So the man decides went to go to a priest to have it removed.
The priest performs the exorcism, and it is effective! He successfully gets the ghost out of the car. “That’ll be $250,” he says to the man.
The man refuses to pay, and so a couple of weeks later his car gets repossessed.
How does a ghost woman scare her victims?
With her boooooobies.
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What do you call a ghost’s breasts?
Why did the ghost enter the bar?
For the boobs.
How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?
Why can’t ghosts make babies?
They have hollow weenies.
What’s a ghost’s favorite data type?
What do you call a ghost that haunts Santa?
A hen and her chick are having a chat.
“Why do humans have names, but us chickens don’t? All we have is chicken or hen,” asks the chick.
“Well, humans may have names when they are alive, but when they are dead, they are only called ghosts,” says the hen. “But, we have lots of names when we are dead. Such as chicken curry, fried chicken, roast chicken….”
What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?
His mom got soul custody.
What do you call a ghost that is ripped?
What happens when the ghost of Gloria Gaynor appeared in front of her?
You are petrified.
What do you call the ghost of a hitman?
A bounty haunter.
Which ghost will never give you up?
Did you hear about the ghost shark?
It vanished into fin air.
Why did the ghost keep coming back to the library?
He went through the books too quickly.
A university professor was giving a lecture about the supernatural. To gauge his audience’s interest, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
Approximately 90 kids raise their hands.
“That’s a wonderful start. Do any of you think you’ve seen a ghost among those who believe in ghosts?”
Nearly 40 kids raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. I’m delighted you’re taking this seriously. Has anyone here ever communicated with a ghost?”
Approximately 15 kids raise their hands.
“Has anyone here ever had contact with a ghost?”
Three pupils put up their hands.
“That’s incredible. Let me ask you one more question… Have any of you ever made love to a spirit or ghost?”
Billy raises his hand in the back. The professor adjusts his glasses and exclaims, “No one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost in all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, son. You must come up here and share your story with us.”
With a nod and a grin, the huge redneck student proceeded to make his way up to the podium. “So, Billy, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?” the professor asks as he advances to the front of the class.
Billy replied, “Shit! From way back there I thought you said, “Goats!”
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What’s Another Name For A Necrophiliac?
What’s a ghost’s favorite type of porn?
What did the ghost say to the bees?
Why are there no haunted gyms?
All the ghosts have been exercised
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.
Two ghosts walk into a bar.
Ghost 1: Hey bro, you new here?
Ghost 2: Yeah.
Ghost 1: So, how did you die?
Ghost 2: I got locked in a fridge. At first, I was still fine, but then I slowly suffocated and froze to death.
Ghost 1: Damn that’s terrible. Sorry to hear that.
Ghost 2: How ’bout you? How did you die?
Ghost 1: Heart Attack.
Ghost 2: But you look so young, what happened?
Ghost 1: I discovered my wife having an affair. When I got home, I noticed a pair of male shoes by the door and rushed to my bedroom. I noticed my wife was naked and plainly exhausted. I scoured the entire house for the man, examining every closet, every bathroom, and even inside the ceiling. I never caught him. Then I felt a tightening in my chest and crashed into the kitchen.
Ghost 2: You’re such an idiot! If you’d open the fridge to get a glass of water we would both still be alive!
What kind of key does a ghost use?
What’s a ghost’s favorite pasta?
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
Saddam Hussein had no sooner died than finding himself in hell, face to face with the Genie whom he had found as a child.
“You are a horrible Genie! You failed me with my three wishes!”
“No, I didn’t, Saddam…let’s review…You wished to be a great leader of your country. This came true, no?”
“Yes it did, but…”
“You wished to be wealthy beyond your wildest dreams?”
“And this too, came true, however…”
“And the third wish, you remember what that was, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I wanted to be well hung…but that’s not what I meant!”
What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a ghost?
What do you call a ghost detective?
How do you know girls from Tinder are haunted?
They keep ghosting.
Why don’t ghosts go trick-or-treating?
Because they have no body to go with them.
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What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween?
A Ghost Pepper.
What do you call a press secretary’s ghost?
What do you call it when a ghost feels like it’s haunted the same house before?
De ja Boo!
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
What do you call a Christian who lost their faith?
Who was the most frustrated ghost ever?
The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.
What did the ghost say as he coughed up fog?
“Don’t worry guys, it’s just miasma!”
Why do Scotsmen make good ghost hunters?
Because after they enter a house there’s nae spirits left.
Our dad jokes and ghost jokes have a lot in common. They get a lot of boos. If you’re booing right now, we’ve done our job — not because we forced you to groan at our bad-but-good dad jokes, but because this is precisely what you’re supposed to be doing.
Do you have any better Ghost jokes? Leave your own Ghosts puns in the comments!