Putting together the perfect Thanksgiving menu can be stressful. However, once the turkey has been roasted and all of the Thanksgiving side dishes have been prepared, it is time to sit down with your family and enjoy the day. After everyone has shared their reasons for being thankful this year, it’s time to crack open the funny Thanksgiving jokes.
We guarantee you’ll laugh out loud at how hilarious, they are after scrolling through this list of Thanksgiving dad jokes. You should also pass your phone around the table to show everyone what you’re laughing about.
Best Thanksgiving Jokes
When does a Canadian realize that his internet is slow?
The moment he starts seeing Thanksgiving posts on November 24th.
Yo mama so fat, when I told her we were having turkey for Thanksgiving she brought her passport and a fork.
Which Marvel villain loves Thanksgiving the most?
What’s the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day?
On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day, but on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
Remember the guy who used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers?
He had to quit cold turkey.
Did you hear about the neighbor who shot his first Thanksgiving turkey this year?
Scared the hell out of everyone else in the grocery store.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What does Miley Cyrus serve on Thanksgiving?
Why do some people not like a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys?
Because of fowl language.
What’s the difference between retail workers and turkeys?
We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.
Why don’t the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?
Because they don’t like Turkey.
Jeffrey Dahmer was hosting Thanksgiving dinner
His mother leans over to him and whispers, “I really don’t like your neighbors.”
So Jeffrey whispers back, “That’s OK, just push them to the side and eat your vegetables.”
Why one should be extra careful on the roads with Thanksgiving & Christmas around the corner?
A lot of men will be drinking and getting their wives to drive.
Did you know that some say their favorite Thanksgiving food is pie?
“Doctor, I have heard lots of voices that are making me want to kill my family.”
The doctor replied, “Yeah that is just Thanksgiving Dinner.”
A woman began digging through the frozen turkeys but couldn’t find one large enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
What happens when you are late to your cannibal family’s Thanksgiving dinner?
You get the cold shoulder.
Why don’t turkeys eat on Thanksgiving?
Because they’re stuffed.
Why is Thanksgiving so awkward in Hollywood?
So many of the producers want to sit at the kid’s table.
What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?
“I liked the leftovers before they were cool.”
What’s the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
If anyone has no family and will be alone on thanksgiving please let me know
I really need to borrow some chairs from you.
What do nerds do on Thanksgiving?
(-1)1/2 Σ π.
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
“I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough,” an elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York.
“What are you talking about, Pop?” screams the son.
“We can’t stand each other any longer,” the old bloke says.
“We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about it, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” he says before hanging up the phone.
In a panic, the son calls his sister, who erupts on the phone. “Like hell, they’re getting divorced,” she exclaims, “and I’ll handle it.”
She calls Phoenix right away and yells at the old man, “You will NOT get divorced. Do not do anything until I arrive. I’m going to call my brother, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. DO YOU HEAR ME? Until then, don’t do anything.” and then hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?
What did the cannibalistic teddy bear eat for Thanksgiving?
What is Thanksgiving called in England?
Recommended: Thursday Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who checks into rehab the day after Thanksgiving?
He couldn’t quit cold turkey.
What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
“Easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”
Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?
Because he tryptophan.
What if the Indians would have given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey?
We’d all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.
What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
“…This is the way.”
What did the period do after Thanksgiving?
Go into a comma.
What’s a mathematician’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?
What’s the most popular wine at the Thanksgiving table?
“But muuummm, I don’t wanna eat my Brussel sprouts!”
A woman got a pet parrot and was shocked to discover that it only said mean things and insulted her.
Nothing she did could make it stop. She was especially concerned because her entire family was visiting for Thanksgiving.
But when Thanksgiving dinner arrived, the parrot remained silent the entire time. The Parrot turned to its owner after the meal and said, “Please forgive my previous behavior. I was completely out of line.” “Wow,” the lady exclaimed, “glad to hear it.”
“If I may ask,” said the Parrot, “what on Earth did that turkey say to you?”
Looking forward to my traditional 7-course Irish Thanksgiving meal
A six-pack and a potato.
Recommended: November Jokes
What do Thanksgiving and the Kurds have in common?
America loves them and Turkey would prefer they didn’t exist.
The only good thing about Thanksgiving is the food.
And even that turns to shit.
What does everyone say after Thanksgiving dinner?
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In a dictionary.
Where do turkeys go when they die?
What is a bad bowler’s favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving because they finally get a turkey.
Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You Butterball-ieve it.
Are you enjoying your sweet potatoes this Thanksgiving?
“I know I yam.”
St Peter meets three new potential Heaven Members and says, “Ok, tonight we’re going to have a quiz. Just a simple question: What is Easter?”
The first guy says, “oh, that’s easy. It’s when the family gets together and have turkey and mashed potatoes and…”
“No, no. That’s Thanksgiving! Ok, who’s next?”
The next man says, “Very simple. It’s when you get a tree and presents for everyone and …”
“No, no, no! That’s Christmas,” says St Peter. “Ok, the last person gives it a try.
The guy says, “Well, Easter is when Christ was crucified, his body was placed in a cave, and they rolled this HUGE boulder in front of it, and…”
“Hey,” St Peter yells at the first two. Listen up and you’ll learn something!”
“So,” the third guy continues, “then 3 days later they rolled that huge rock away from the cave opening, and if Jesus comes out and sees his shadow we’ve got three more weeks of winter!!”
Recommended: Easter Jokes
On Thanksgiving, what did the vegan tell the child when they were about to stomp on a bug?
You butternut squash that!
Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He lost track of thyme.
How are wives like Thanksgiving Turkeys?
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.
What is Thanksgiving?
The day in 1621 when Native Americans shared a meal with undocumented immigrants who never left.
Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey that tried to escape the roasting pan?
He was foiled.
Who’s going to the concert festival on Thanksgiving Day?
The bands will be Meatloaf, Korn, The Cranberries, and Smashing Pumpkins.
What do you call a pregnant woman on Thanksgiving?
Why did the band hire a turkey as a drummer?
Because he had the drumsticks!
Why was the Thanksgiving feast expensive?
It had 24 carrots!
What did Bruno Mars bring to the Thanksgiving Potluck?
24 Karat cakes.
A grandmother is making the dressing and is adding several cans of Chicken Broth.
Dad: You know where you can get that broth in bulk?”
Dad: The stock market.
On Thanksgiving, why did the turkey cross the table?
To get to the other sides.
A girlfriend said to his boyfriend, “We need a gravy boat because we’re hosting Thanksgiving this year.”
The boyfriend replied, “In that case, we should get some gravy life jackets too.”
Did you hear about the two turkeys who got into a fight?
They beat the stuffing outta each other.
Last Thanksgiving, my mother told me “If your brothers start arguing, don’t take sides”
Sure enough, they yelled at each other and I could only have turkey.
What kind of key is edible?
A turkey on Thanksgiving.
Why is Lil B so good at helping prepare turkey for Thanksgiving?
Because he’s the Baste God.
Why are musical comedians never allowed to cook dinner during Thanksgiving?
Because they always burnham.
What makes every Thanksgiving meal extra-basic?
How would Ariana Grande break up with her boyfriend on Thanksgiving?
“Thank you, next.”
What sauce do zombies use on Thanksgiving?
Recommended: Zombie Jokes
What did the brick road say on thanksgiving?
“Cobble cobble cobble!”
Why wasn’t the taxidermist invited to Thanksgiving dinner?
No one wanted to try his stuffing.
Why are the cranberries red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
What’s the day after Thanksgiving?
What’s the best movie to watch on Thanksgiving?
What’s the saddest club on Thanksgiving?
The turkey club.
What happens when your cousin eats all the Pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving?
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter G.
Cooking for 4 hours, so you can eat for 15 minutes, then wash dishes for 4 more hours.
Why didn’t the rest of The Beatles invite Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he hogs the drumsticks…and they’re British.
Have a better corny joke on Thanksgiving? Please leave your funny Turkey puns and one-liners in the comments below!