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One of my hoomins forgot me on the balcony and closed doors and went sleep. I had to be rescued by my other hoomin. Is I entitled for catpensation?
Oof, this case is definitely doing to kitty court! Just imagine this poor, helpless soul, left outside for an hour to fend for themselves! They’re definitely entitled to cat-pensation – only tuna for a month!
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2
Sergeant Whiskers, the true criminal defense attorney of kitties across the globe. Call 1-800-CAT-LAWS, if your kitty needs helps!
Sergeant Whiskers is the best paw-yer around, guaranteed. You can tell that he’s very purrfessional because his has many files sitting next to him. And most importantly, he’s wearing a tie. Very purrfessional.
3
I have been bathed without my consent and my paw-tests went unheeded. What can I do?
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Don’t meow unless we’re purresent
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I has been awrrested! I was only using “so fines it’s mines”, but i am being awrested! Need best pawyers immediates!
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8
I want a Treats Appropriations Subcommittee, a Select Committee on Belly Rubs, and an oversight investigation into the vacuum cleaner.
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Insurance Fraud
10
Orange, older male claims all home territories are his until further notice. Can I serve an eviction? Hooman lady said to work it out peacefully…
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11
I’s been framewed! I’s never smacked, i’s been bappeding for snacks, pawyer!
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Dumpling has been indicted, convicted, and is now in kitty jail.
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This is SLANDER! Hooman tricked us into going inside box! Can we sue for catpensation?
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14
I wans see Meowna Lisa before another attac attempt but Security keeps stop me. Why is they no respect “Ur pawperty? My pawperty now” law?
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Oder hooman takes picture that makes a big lights, disturbing our naps! Can we su de hooman for ruin nap?
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My human is claiming I is an imposter. I is not. I is fluffy and cuddly like the toys and deserve more cuddles and pets. How do I claim my cuddles?
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17
My contract explicitly states that food is to be provided within 2 milliseconds of my first squeak, and my humans have yet to comply a single time. What are my legal options?
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It has been 10 minutes ago since I was fed. I am starving and wasting away. The human posted a photo that shows I am all fur and bones. I needs food, can a pawyer get me food?
19
My hooman puts the hairless kitten in the jail every night. I went into the jail today to show the hooman how terrible it is…but now I like sleeping in the jail. Under the rules of “if I fits I sits,” can I claim the hairless kitten jail as my own?
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20
I try to hint that I want pets but get called ‘silly kitty.’ Is this clawbook neglect? I haven’t been pet in 8 or 9 minutes!
21
Mummy came in, stinking of dog, with her arm all messed up (covered in scratches) how much trouble would I be in if I went over and bit the dog I think did it, in his stupid, unprotected, tummy. I is big, strong, boy!
22
I is trying hatch my baby kittens. Hooman no let me warm them. Can Pawyer helps with restraining order?
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23
I was arrested because I defended myself against the vet. I was not read my right, put to trial or given access to a pawyer. This is a meowscarridge of justice.
24
Cat here. Brother cats locked. They are exactly same cat as me as we are all the oranges and share the same braincell. Pls help unlock cats.
25
My homan is making me work, a whole hour a week, in her nursing home. I’m paid nothing but treats and cuddles. This must break minimum wage laws? What should I do, what sort of pawyer do I need
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I’m innocent and outraged! I clearly fits! Need representation right meow!!
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My human went out to dinner but didn’t bring me my dinner home. They says they didn’t even place my order. Can I sue for not providing tasty foods? I want food.
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The hoomans say I ate all the treats, but it wasn’t me. I am just a little kitty, I was framed. I wish to be compensated with more treats.
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